and now, i really think it was a bad idea to start talking to him again. damn. it kind of takes up too much of my time and it really really distracts me. HOW NOW BROWN COW? why didn't i just keep my hands of the keypad? after it's been one year already. one whole freaking year without talking/meeting up. you are free. but i'm not. attempt to understand that. now i don't even think that i will be able to ignore you again. it will be another guilt action and i know how much it will kill both of us. this is terrible. how am i supposed to choose between studies and you? just give me two more weeks and when i'm done with ct1, maybe i will spend more time with you. maybe my friend is right. why am i acting like your gf when i'm not? and why do you still treat me as that. maybe celebrating your birthday for you was a bad idea. maintain our distance dear friend.

this is making me very irritated. come on drina. buck up. you and i both know we can do this.

selfish me wants the j1s to stop flooding the canteen ): i really hate crowded breaks. not enough time to eat. i was just thinking, why live life so stressfully? everyday's like a routine. school, (training/tennis), home, tutorials, sleep. how fun is that? why bother making ourselves boring people since we are going to die off eventually? what if i die without taking any major exams. this kind of brings me back to the time when i was in primary school. after taking PSLE, a student from my school died in a car accident. like bang! and you are dead. she had a whole life ahead of her. she was from the smartest class in school and teachers kind of expected her to do well. well, what if that happened to me? would i have said that i lived life to the fullest? i have so many things that i've yet to do, yet to say. when was the last time i sat down and had a really good chat with somebody? maybe the 16PF is right. i care too much about myself and relationships with people are often not as good as they could have been. i find it really hard to keep in contact with people. we may have been best friends in school. but after we moved to different schools, we kind of fell apart.