i don't know why, but i suddenly dreamt of chang as in yihsin chang not gay shit chang. i think the dream made me realise how much i would miss her if she were gone. she was the closest friend i've ever had, and i would be sad if she were to leave. i dreamt that she would be gone mid of next year. if that dream were to be reality, i think that it would be freaky and no i don't want it to happen. chang i know you will never read this, but i want you to know that you are the greatest friend that i've ever known and if you were to fly to america and not come back, i think i would be in a daze. of course life would go on, like it always has, but there would always be a missing part of me. i miss the times we had wrestling, playing as well as studying. arrg. i know we haven't talked for a long time! but that's alright we are busy people (: even though you will definately be going overseas and probably not be coming back, distance can't do us apart right? we can always talk yea? hope we meet up soon

i've been having this horrible headache that refuses to go away. i don't know why. stupid headache! GO AWAY! i know it's because i keep staring at stupid computer screens. blame it on the stupid education system and the damn emphasis on project work.

i want to go to a overseas university. but i can't. I NEED A SCHOLARSHIP!!! i can't stand this pressure cooker that i'm in. every damn thing is important and cramped into our tiny brains. why can't they shift the emphasis away from route learning? why not the emphasis on experimental learning? give me a break.

i'm just done with pw. and look at the time! oh! it's 2.15am! and the scary part? 3 other classmates of mine are still online!

i don't want to wake up tomorrow. let the time just stand still. tomorrow's physics. and i have a feeling that i won't do well. just look at my math. it's a freaking fail! i know that according to the school, that is a pass, but 100 divided by 2 equals to 50, not 45 ): so i fail. this is the worst i've ever done. )): the first half of the day was horrible. within the first period, i got back math. which sucked.

later, there was chem. a paper that i studied VERY hard for and guess what i got? i freaking D. with a 3 marks improvement from midyears. THAT'S ENCOURAGING.

the only paper that i think i did well was GP. i did beyond what i expected. i EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS (: or maybe they just marked leniently.

oh and guess what's the trend i found? first i got a E, then a D and finally a C. hahaha hopefully tmr or rather today will be a good day (:

life after promos is like after Os. you suddenly feel free. but there's like something missing in your life. i guess i'm weird. i kind of miss being kan-chiong as tiffany will put it, i miss the kind of satisfaction i get when i get something right (:

thinking back on this year, i think i have yet to find out what i really want. vj was my dream school, yes i got in. i know i would be the happiest here. i joined tennis, thinking that it was what i wanted too. but soon, i realise that this is not what i really want. being in a school tennis team was my dream. maybe because all the people in the tennis class that i was in were in a school team and that seemed fun! and the tennis team that i was in was filled with fun and nice people. but look at the team that i'm in now. sure they are wonderful players, good at the game and all. but we are not bonded. it kind of changed my preception of tennis. i used to miss training, and can't wait for the next training to start, even though it meant waiting an entire week. now i'm dreading it! just the thought of talking to the rest of them seemed difficult. i'm not close to them at all. maybe after next year's season, it will be better. just like what happened this year. but wait what's the use. the people that i became really close to, we just seem to drift apart. look at the j2s now. i'm not close to them at all now! and i thought that we had some really great times together. i miss being in pa. i miss the feeling of togetherness. all i want is for the cca to be bonded. and i think that i do not deserve the posts of secretary and treasurer at all.

oh man i sound like a tiffany!
(take heed of my own advice and STOP BROODING!)

tmr's some stupid relationship workshop. i bet it's really useless.

OH THIS GOES OUT TO ALL MY JUNIORS (AND YOU COUSIN :D) on behalf of the yellow badges

Os are coming soon! time to start revising real hard! it doesn't matter what you get for prelims. take it as a lesson learnt and look forward. yes! you guys can do it! keep your goal in mind in front of you and STRIVE FOR IT! you always have the entire pa behind you (: we will be there to catch you if you fall (: