what dongran posted on her blog tt moved me
我哭了。
在老师面前哭了。
为了珍惜的人而哭。
为了重要的人而哭。
为了想保护的人而哭。
我感到好愧疚，我拿到了 A1.... 而好朋友却在一个角落，没落感清清楚楚地写在她的脸上……
全圣尼格拉，我唯一关心，珍惜的人就是 chuchu 和 tingting……
chuchu 的成绩好得没话说，而 tingting...
一想起看到她那时的表情，我就好心痛，也好无助，感觉自己好没用。
A1 又怎样？这次的放榜，我伤心多过开心。
这根本不是一种荣耀，而是数落我好朋友的一张纸罢了。
我多么希望能在她身边，安慰她，但是得到了A1的我，又有什么资格去安慰她？
我都不知道该说什么……
在老师面前，我终于忍不住，落下了痛恨自己无能为力的眼泪。
好不甘心。
明明是我最珍惜的人，我却什么都不能做。
明明知道她很沮丧，却不能陪在她身边。
她一次又一次的对不起，刺痛了我的心。
那是我认识她这么久第一次看到她跟我说这么多个对不起……
我……要怎么做？
我要说什么？
我要做什么？
我…………
不知道。
我只希望当她需要一个人的时候，能想起我，需要我的时候，我会在一旁耐心的等候，随时陪在她身边。
这次的眼泪，不是为了自己，而是为了珍惜的人。
但是我觉得一点也不浪费。
自从失去永安后，我就下定决心只为自己珍惜，值得的人落泪。
因为她们所给我的美好，是我一生也无法回馈的。
ting ting...
if u don't let me be there to console you, i'll cry for you.
if u don't let me into your one man's land, i'll make sure i'll be there when u need someone.
if u don't want anyone to be there when u cry, please remember that there're still people who care n hold u a precious friend in their hearts.
i meant it.
cry if u want to, in which ever way that you like, but please don't forget the friendship that i hold true to.
please...
cheer up.
st.nicks isn't pleasant without you around.

it's only 3 days and i already miss u so much. i think the most i can stand is 1 wk. really disappointed with my o level chinese results. i'm like 1 of the 6 who got b3. damn freaking lousy. nvm i shall get 8A1s this year! and prove myself. even though my mom says it's not possible. but i CAN DO IT! haha. self motivation. i must be crazy.
u know everytime i talk to dong ran, my thoughts keep going back to u and i finally admitted to her that i actually still have feelings for u. i know u must be thinking that i'm crazy. some how i have this feeling that after i finish my Os, u would not be there. u would be gone, gone with another person. actually i'm okay with it. so if u find another person jus tell me kay?
that night of the O level result, i cried like a million times. the first few was coz i was disappointed. the next few was coz i was damn touched. i didn't know that there are people out there who actually care for me, care more for me than my parents. when i told my parents bout my results, their actions were like b3 only ar? i was expecting an A2 from u. but people that i know, like dongran, they were actually sad coz i'm sad. they share my emotions. and that's what i really admire her bout. she had an A1, yet she was not able to be happy, be joyous bout it coz though i hid my emotion, she could tell that i'm really sad. when i read her blog post, my tears actually jus rolled down my cheeks. i didn't even know y i was crying. i guess it's these little actions that really motivate me, make me a stronger person.

O level results coming out tmr. i'm scared... although my mom says that it's okay, but i feel that i would really break down if i get a b4. which i super likely. i really scared. tmr i would nt be in a mood to study as well. i'm sure the whole class would nt be, moreover, tmr i still have to say a speech in chinese. actually my results haven't been that great these few time either. although i did improve for my social studies, but i know that i would fail my bio and physics. i really want to do well in my Os.
today i got caught for playing truant at sch actually it's jus maths learning club, and we went out to buy ice popsicles at sheng siong, coz the class is selling it on mon. we bought ALL THE ICE POPSICLES THAT THEY HAD!!!! haha hope that we cn finish selling.
broke up with him on sun night. thought that it would be nothing, thought that i would feel nothing. i really thought that i have no feeling for him, but on mon, i felt so out, so weird, it's as if there's something missing from my life. it was then did i realise i really have feelings for u.. Johnathan, i'm sorry, i love u. i know that i hardly say this words to you, coz i really didn't think that i will fall for u. i'm sorry i tested ur patience, i'm sry i made u keep waiting to go out with me.
u were always there for me. u made me laugh when i was down, when i cry coz i was angry and disappointed with myself. yet when u were sad, i could not do anything for u. last night when u played the guitar for me to hear again, it was then did u really cry. i really miss u. the sound of the guitar reminded me of the first time we met as a couple, the day before i left for taiwan, the time i met u at the mrt station. that afternoon, u played the same songs for me as last night, the romance de armour, anak etc. i gave me the memories. i cried silently, so that u would not know. but really, that was the first time i ever cried for any guy. i didn't know i would be so weak, so helpless. wait for me will u?

lost my temper with some teacher today. it's like she doesn't even respect our feelings, our needs, our ideals. u know how some teachers never bother to discuss anything with u, how they jus exclude you out of their world, thinking that they are right all the time, that everyone has to accept their ideals. they don't bother discussing with people bout how they think that something should be done, they jus dictate. it's jus like a dictatorship all over again. after teachers are supposed to be our role models, but do they really fit my description of a good teacher? how come you are unable to explain and clear my doubts? and the other teacher that came in to the picture halfway, u promised that you will always be there for us, but did u even bother to stand up for us? u always side others. no matter what the problem is, i always find that you will always stand on the opposite side, fending urself, rather than see what the problem is about. i'm sure that there is always two sides to an arguement, but u always see the side that the other teacher is standing on, you do nt even bother to think about how we as student might be right after all. u do nt even care bout us, even though u keep saying that u do. sometimes, it is better if u try to see both sides of the arguement, and not jump to conclusions. i'm really tired. every thing is nt working out fine. do u teacher have to add to this pressure? aren't teachers supposed to there sometimes when we fall? i know that nt all teachers are committed, but can't u at least respect us? respect our feelings? the things that we want to do, want to tell u are all from a student's point of view. maybe u should try to go down to our level to try and understand us. i know i couldn't control my emotions today, and i'm sorry for that. but i really care for my cca, and i'm really trying my best to help my fellow cca mates. even if you teachers don't care bout them, i will still do my best to help fight for their rights! i'm sorry if i have offended you in anyway, but what u saw today is really who i am and what i believe in.

i seriously don't understand u. u know that i will break up with u, and that we will not last long, and that i jus don't want to be in a relationship now, but y do u still want to be with me? with ur looks, u know that u can get any girl u want, but y me, nt some other girl, some other girl who would be more beautiful than i am, some girl who is nt a tomboy, i'm sure u would like her too. up to now, even though every night u tell me that u love me very much, i'm nt sure whether to believe u, coz it seems so weird. so out of the blue, u jus say u love me. i really dunno what to believe.. it's nt that i don't have feeling for u. actually i do, but i'm afraid, i'm afraid that i will end up heart-broken. afraid that i'll fall down down. but u really do seem to care bout me, like telling me to study hard, letting me study first before you call me, but i really don't know. i don't know ur true feelings, u still seem to be hanging on to ur ex.