Why does it always have to be this way. why must things always end like that. I hate you. When it is blatantly your fault. Why can't you just man up and apologise? Why must we always fight and end things this way.

I love you a lot. But it really seems like you don't love me the same. I know i've said this a thousand times. But i dont think you will ever understand.

There's a saying that goes: you'll never have trouble falling in love. After all it's called "falling" for a reason. You just fall head first into it. It is staying in love that is hard. Takes up all your time and energy and patience. What if one day either one of us lose it all. would that be the end?

I'm waiting for you to turn your head to walk here and hug me and tell me that it's all right. I'm always beside you. I love you a lot. But you'll never do that i know. why am i trying so hard to make things right.

on days like this, i wonder is it worth to hold on. why am i trying so hard. and will you do the same for me when the time comes.

i know the reason behind all our arguments is my lack of trust in you. can't blame me for that (i insist). i wonder will you do the same as what zino did?
would you put your work aside?
would you put me first?
would you come back to me?

i ask myself these questions everyday, and unfortunately i can't find an answer.
maybe this is the end. maybe i'll be the one that walks away soon. but till then. i'm just going to continue holding on

someone told me:

when we were young, we had our ideals. the prefect bf should possess the following qualities:
- rich
- handsome
- smart
- better off than me, etc.
but now when they look back in life, all these didn't matter. What mattered the most was if the person would be able to make you happy, to be able to put a smile back on your face no matter what happened. That the person would stay by your side and be your companion for life. They told me about themselves, at first when they were dating, their parents would always tell me that the bf was too tall, too short, too fat... and now, the only criteria is that it must be a guy. Then they told me about their friends. About how this top scorer girl (who btw was top in school all the way till uni) chose to marry this photocopier repair guy, who earns half what she earns. but they are happy. Even if they lead a simple life, they are happy with each other. And i think happiness is the most important thing of all. If one is happy, you can overcome any troubles. If you are happy, there would be less arguments.

I think that really struck a chord in me. When people ask me why did I even want to be with my bf, all I can say is that no matter how bad a day it is for him or for me, when I see him, I'm happy, we are happy. When I'm feeling low, he can cheer me up like no one else can. and i think that value is priceless. Maybe that was why Mrs Koh said that r/s would work out even though she doubted it at first.

I know we had our fair share of troubles but who doesn't. Every couple is bound to argue about certain things, and if you don't argue, probably it's a sign that you are not close enough to the person yet. Cos you don't dare to say what you feel. And actually that's how arguments start, by saying what you feel even though the other party might not agree. and you'll work things out together.

I really hope we'd stay strong together and last forever

i'm hurt beyond hurt. i don't know how to put this to you. maybe i've just given up hope on you. why must you keep doing this to me. if you don't have feelings for me anymore, i will just leave. i do not need you to keep breaking my heart. one moment you are kind, nice, awesome towards me. the other moment you are just flirting behind my back. so what if it's virtual. so what if you don't know the person. maybe you will be happier if i'm gone. maybe it's my fault that i made you this way maybe. just maybe. both of us would be better off without each other.

1, 2, 3 and may this magically all disappear away.

Sometimes I wish that I was made up of a block of wood, a piece of metal, so that words, punches, people can't hurt me. I don't want to have emotions any more. It freaking hurts.

yesterday. the first taste of FREEDOM!